WRENIS PINCKLES (3-1) = B

At 3-1 WRENIS PINCKLES is on pace to win about eight games this season. While eight wins will probably not be good enough to secure a first-round bye, such a record would definitely qualify as a major victory for this perpetually inept team. Sitting atop their division with a veteran squad like BALLZ DEEP is definitely noteworthy. Unfortunately, I must knock the PINCKLES down a peg because all of their wins have come at the expense of the league’s weakest teams: DICE MISFITS, MULTIPLE SCORGASMS, and LIGHTS OUT. Against top tier competition (VAPOR), the PINCKLES could not even manage to put any points on the scoreboard. While I am impressed that they are winning, I am reserving healthy skepticism for WRENIS PINCKLES’ inevitable collapse in the playoffs.

BALLZ DEEP (3-1) = B+

Predicting that BALLZ DEEP will win the STEEL CENTRAL would not qualify as “going out on a limb.” The team is chock-full of proven veterans and all-stars that still have one of the best deep-ball offenses in the league. Underneath All-Star Quarterback Steve Chockla has Steve Shrum and Eric Hantz to keep the chains moving. Over the top the QB can connect with All-Star Wide Receiver Jeremy Greenawalt for devastating big plays. On defense, All-Star Rusher Eric Quinn is as consistent at collecting clutch sacks as anyone else at his position. Perhaps the biggest offseason acquisition that any team made in the offense was BALLZ DEEP when they added the versatile skill set of Sun Bear Coe to their team. Their victory against WRECKING CREW is the reason why I think BALLZ DEEP has a chance to advance to conference championship.

RUMBLE (3-3) = B-

I’m going to cut these guys a little bit a slack since they are a rookie team that is still trying to learn all of the rules. Last week I interviewed RUMBLE and they seem to be pretty aware of their strengths and weaknesses. Jordon Rooney might be the quickest player on the team. His versatility to play both WR and DB make him an indispensable commodity for RUMBLE. Right now Zach Hoffman’s quarterback play is too inconsistent for me to guess where these guys will finish at the end of the season. Blowout wins over inferior competition and blowout losses to superior competition pretty much sums up RUMBLE’s season so far.

LIGHTS OUT (2-3) = B-

Everyone’s favorite team to hate is below .500 at the midway point of the season. LIGHTS OUT has consistently fielded the same nucleus of Vince Flotta, Fritz Tamburro, and Tim Long since they jumped on the scene. While I’m not the biggest fan of “dink-and-dunk” offense, I must admit that at times LIGHTS OUT can be deceptively effective, especially when using a silent count to throw off the timing of defensive backs. Embarrassing losses aside (including two games where they were outscored 86-6), this squad was able to pull out a tough win against the DARKWINGS who are slightly underrated.

DEATH ROW (5-1) = A

Let me open up by saying that DEATH ROW is my pick to win the top seed in the STEEL CONFERENCE. First the team looks like a cooler version of the BILLY GOATZ in their black uniforms. All-Star Quarterback Jordan Fowler is a dual threat that can pick up first downs with his legs if necessary. Dave Bassi and All-Star WR Rick Douglas have been playing with Fowler so long that their quarterback-to-receiver chemistry is impeccable. Finally LaRoi “Franchise” Johnson looks like the Rasheed Wallace to DEATH ROW’s 2004 Detroit Pistons. He’s as intimidating to opposing DBs as he is talented. After beating VAPOR on a pick 6 by Fowler, I am convinced that this team has the mental toughness to go up against any team.

VULTUREZ (3-2) = B

As soon as I saw that All-Star Wide Receiver Ray Toomey would be re-joining the VULTUREZ, I knew that this team would be one of the better squads in their conference. All-Star QB Lance Brunsell is one of the best pure passers to ever play in our league. His comfort level with Toomey and All-Star WR Jason Bialek enables him to make smart decisions with the football. Although I was hoping to see All-Star DB Penny McClinton reunite with his former team, I think that the VULTUREZ will still be a force. While 3-2 is not a great record, I am used to watching this team struggle through the first half of the season and then explode for long playoff runs.

SHIFT TEAM (2-5) = C-

Young and inexperienced. These words sum up SHIFT TEAM’s rookie season with the PFFL. Athletically, these guys can play with anyone; however, there is a certain level of execution in clutch situations that they just don’t have yet. Things like unsecured flags prematurely falling off during a play or forgetting to send a rusher on as many downs as possible have contributed mightily to SHIFT TEAM’s poor record.

SMOKE (3-1) = A-

SMOKE reminds me of DEATH ROW in that they are always under the radar whenever fans start talking about championship contenders. Veteran leadership is at an all-time high for this team and that will bode well for them in the playoffs. QB Fred Warrell has done a solid job of spreading the wealth to all of his receivers. In addition EJ Taylor and Michael Moye are holding down the fort on defense. As long as Warrell keeps slinging the football to underrated WR Keith Jackson, then SMOKE will win the STEEL SOUTH division easy. Given their offensive outburst against VAPOR, I would say that these guys are the real deal.

WRECKING CREW (4-2) = B+

All-Star Quarterback Jeff Bollinger is master at assembling ultra-competitive teams. His ability to identify and utilize talent is on par with any other captains in the PFFL. Currently, Bollinger leads the conference in touchdown passes with 20. All-Stars Brandon Morgan and Chris Booth make sure that whenever Bollinger delivers a lead to WRECKING CREW that the defense protects the advantage. Moreover, All-Star Rusher Gary Jones is still wreaking havoc on QBs even though his sack numbers are down this year. Overall this team is playing with a sense of purpose.

LIGHTS OUT X (0-5) = D-

LOX is not very good this year but then again I am not surprised. Their lack of consistent accuracy from the QB position is the catalyst for the rest of their problems. In addition, playing in a division with SMOKE and WRECKING CREW is not who losing teams play to regain their confidence. Going forward Harold Russell should start at QB over Mike Nuckles under the condition that Nuckles still has the ability to call plays in the huddle. So far so not good.